All parents wish to have high achieving children. We raise our children with the goal that they will have a good education and make something of themselves. We wish to see them excel beyond what we have achieved.
One factor that predicts a child’s achievement is parental expectations. Unrealistically high expectations are damaging as they set up the child to fail. They instil are fear of failure in the child and encourage the child to avoid challenging tasks. Expectations that are too low are also not good as it does not provide adequate opportunites for learning. The ideal is of course to set REALISTIC expectations. Meaning, the child will find it a challenge to achieve your standard but it is not out of their reach to succeed.

Many times I have had to reevaluate my expectations for my children. I have to constantly remind myself that what may seem easy or “common sense” to me, may not be so for them. My expectation influences my attitude when I teach them and also their response to my teaching . For example, I know my expectations are too high when I find myself talking down to my children and quickly getting flustered when they do not understand what I’m teaching. My critical talk and tone of voice just piles on the pressure making it even more difficult for them to meet my standard. However, when I adjust my expectation to realistically meet their ability and readiness, I become more patient and calm. The children in response become more willing to take on the challenge and they don’t easily give in or succumb to tears.

I know sometimes we think we need to set those higher standards so our children can reach for the stars. But it is critical that we take into consideration their readiness — their maturity and range of skills.

Take some time out today to think about how your expectations are influencing your child’s learning ability. Are you actually encouraging them to succeed or are you their stumbling block?

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