Today I read about a mother’s concern for her 16 year old daughter who is doing badly in school. It wasn’t always that way which is why the mother believes her daughter is smart, just lazy and too laid back. So what action does she take? She piles up the tuition classes and request the teachers to give her daughter more homework. Reason is so the daughter can have more “practice”. The mother believes without the homework, her daughter will not take the initiative to do the necessary “practice”. The mother also admits to “nagging” and “lecturing” the daughter. Despite all her efforts, the situation doesn’t seem to improve.

Some of you reading this may be shaking your head in disapproval. More homework? Nagging? Lecturing? How can she do that?
But wait a minute… let’s not be too quick to judge. I fear that many of us when put in the same situation, may make the same mistakes this mother did. For some reason, our natural reaction to our children’s misbehaviors or failed expectations is to put on more pressure, threaten and punish. Here are some examples:

  • Stop running now or I will tie you up
  • Finish your homework or else you won’t be allowed to go out to play
  • Don’t finish your dinner and you won’t get ice-cream later

It’s so easy to create negative energy, isn’t it? Usually, the right way to overcome problems takes effort and thought. Even a little faith. For instance, the mother above feels like her daughter is slipping, so she tightens her grip. It takes faith to let go a little and trust that her daughter will be able to stand on her own. It takes much thought to know and admit that you may be making matters worse. It takes effort to be positive and to refrain from negative talk. It takes effort to look for the good rather than pick on the bad. And it takes effort to change and right what you have done wrong.

So, what is the right way? I am reminded of a wise saying which goes like this:
‘I don’t care what you know till I know that you care’.

I believe this is the solution that can solve many problems. Children strive on knowing that their parents love them no matter what. That their parents are interested in what they think, feel and do. How you show you care is important. Sometimes all they need is a listening ear, a shoulder to lean on and some sympathy. Do you try to understand them or are you just shoving solutions into their faces? Can they feel your love? You may argue and say “of course I love them, or I wouldn’t be doing ‘this’ and ‘this’ and ‘that’”. However, the question is not if you love your children, but rather can THEY feel your love?
I believe that is the foundation to all your children’s success.

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